nostalsia strikes sometimes

Listening to All for you by deepside...
i am reminiscing again...nostalgia strikes sometimes..
though free and single, i sometimes feel i js want someone by my side js to call me baby or hold me tight to sleep
i miss those times though i keep telling myself again and again, i am far better off without him.
he was one person i could really click, he was sweet, humble and someone who can set aside his racial issues and come mingle with my friends and i with his ..
after so long and after so many guys, he is one i shall always remember..i do not why
i know God has set me free from him he was not the right one.
i know im free from all this chains that were holding me uptight but still sometimes,this human flesh longs to go back to the old times..
whay am i saying all this?
i should be happy that i am free from all this unnecessary hassles and troubles. im stress free when it comes to guys..yea definitely...
and there's this guy who has been pursuing me since last year...
i like talking to him but ijust cant accept the fact that he's not on the good looking side..yea i can be a bit shallow and maybe i tend to compare to my previous guys...sigh......
what am i to do? but everytime i listen to the songs he sent me and talk virtually to him online, he can be quite appealing.
but i am quite tired of party guys and all ths..
i am torn apart...part of me feels like i js want to settle down and another side of me js wanna have flings..
deep inside, i wish i can have someone so cool and laidback yet ambitious and at the same time, loves God so much and a crazy catholic as well...someone similar to me but more responsible..
God, am i asking too much?
are the standards am setting far too high?
i believe there is not one tree only in this world but the whole forest is awaiting..y should i settle for less when i can have the best?
yes my Lord. i shall wait...
Flee me from the guys that u dont want me having and oh...that i may change my values and mould them closer to yours...
Papa...i am scared but i know you are there for me, i shall not look back.
this is a new life and i shall press on
Yes i shall...

My first time

This is my first ever anonymous blog..
I am just a normal person living in a developing nation but somehow crowded with so much complexities that i've decided to write in...
i am brought up in a decent catholic family, though with a complicated background that
many will never comprehend
Painful most times to even think about it, i can never even talk about it to anyone
it is a burden i have decided to carry
however the Lord always weave beautiful things from the shameful, sinful repentants
This will be my cavern, a place i will express my innermost thoughts and desires where many will never even know the existence of me...a fallen angel...